Life Saturday, January 20, 2007

They say blood is thicker than water, no doubt. Who do you turn to when all your friends have left you?







Family.

But who do you turn to when you fall out with them?


There's no one out there. Not even the relatives. You find your friends, and they're are either tired, lazy, uncontactable or they plainly just don't want you to confide in them.

Maybe I really shouldn't blame them, it's not like it's their problem anyway.

Perhaps it's just me, I ring my friends up to go to dinner and plan to tell them my issues, somehow I just can't put it to words and really confess it. Probably because when I confide in them, I don't spill the whole cup of beans. Only the surface is revealed.

I've always envied my friends that have a super close relationship with their fellow cousins, or even siblings. I envy those people more than people who envy me for having material things eg my iPod, my cellphone or maybe even envying the freedom of being able to go out late at night at my age I swear. Afterall, do these gadgets make you happy when you have life-wrecking issues? Do late night agendas give the freedom?


My bus rides and walks these few days seem to be the darkest, loneliest and solemn ones.


Met up with Isabel and Jacinta for dinner yesterday, and I reached home at about quarter past 11 and, somehow didn't really like it at home cos of something. Then asked Cheng You to come down to my block. Had a chat until about 2+am.

Went to dojo today and then went for Katong laksa and rojak with Derek and Ben. In Katong laksa's 'tradition', they only use a spoon no chopsticks! Didn't know that. Took a bus home with Derek and we chatted bout A LOT of army stuff.





I have to say I'm sorry, all of you. All the laughters, seeming to have a good time, smiles and crack ups, are plain lies. It was all a facade, an outer appearance that are worlds apart from the inner. Perhaps it was a way to numb the feelings on the inside or temporarily take away the emotional pain and escape into another world, but living with those scars in the heart.



What can I do?
What can I say?
Live life for another day?
Just as long as you take the pain away.


4:53 am